Reclaiming Worth: The Blessing Hidden in Repeated Hurt

Fifteen years ago, I listened to Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Begone! and something in me shifted. His message was clear: You are the only person responsible for your life. And you cannot change your life until you change your thoughts. That concept resonated so deeply, I shared it with others, even lending out my iPod (yes, iPod!) when I sensed they needed a mindset shift too. I’ve always been able to see when others are stuck in blame rather than ownership. But recently, I had to ask myself: Do I have a blind spot here?

I listened to the audiobook again, and it still held its truth. And then life handed me a series of interactions that brought me to my knees.

I recently spent time with a dear friend. We shopped, she used my discount for the last time, and we returned to my home where I felt compelled to pull cards and walk her through a new version of her Numerology Profile. I had spent days preparing it. But during the reading, she was distracted, glued to her phone. I found myself wondering: Weird that my messages go unread for days....  Still, I pushed through because I could see she came here with a powerful soul purpose and I wanted her to discover what that was. Later, at dinner—away from distractions—I saw her passion ignite, and my heart lit up. And then the waitress comes over and asks if we would like to split the bill.  She immediately answers yes.  To be honest, I was taken aback.

I’ve cooked for her, baked for her family, poured hours into her Numerology. I’m currently building a business. She and her husband have stable, high-paying jobs. Paying for dinner wasn't about the money or expected reciprocity. But heaven forbid I be on the receiving end of a small kindness.

That night I woke at 3 a.m. and cried. Why does this keep happening? The neighbor I helped raise a new puppy for—no thank you, no follow-up, not even a cut lawn in return. Another friend’s partner—who had a complimentary Clarity Reading with clear results—rated it a 6 out of 10, saying it was only for people "less in touch" with their intuition. It crushed me.

I started to ask: What is the root cause of these situations?  And then it hit me. This wasn’t about them. This was about me. What am I doing to cause these situations?

To be clear, my friends are not selfish people. They are kind, loving, generous individuals. I do not believe I am surrounded by people who mean harm. I give from a place of love—never as a strategy to be included, or with an expectation of something in return. But the dynamic I continue to create with them reflects something unspoken within me.

During my life-changing Reiki session, the word that came through was: "worth."

And there it was. I do not feel worthy of the love, kindness, and support I so freely give.

And therefore, I do not get it.

I will continue to attract these situations until I heal the belief that I’m not worthy of receiving.

The Blessing Hidden in the Pain

This realization is the blessing.

Because I didn’t stay in the pain—I followed it to its origin. I saw the belief behind the pattern. That’s not weakness, that’s awakening.

Each situation wasn’t punishment, it was a mirror. A message. A soul-level invitation asking:

"Can you love yourself enough to stop proving your worth?"

These experiences are not about selfish friends or ungrateful neighbors. They are about how I’ve taught people to treat me by constantly giving without boundaries, by over-functioning while silently hoping someone would finally see me and give back.

The truth is: I didn’t yet believe I deserved that.

But now I see it.

Now I get to change it.

This is a soul lesson in receiving. Not just material support, but love, respect, care, and consideration. The same way I offer it.

So yes, this is a blessing. Because now I choose to shift.

I no longer need to be "of use" to be valued. I no longer need to earn love through giving. I no longer confuse generosity with proving my worth.

This is my turning point.

From here forward, my kindness will come from wholeness, not from lack. And I will receive as fully as I give.

That’s the new belief. That’s the new frequency. And that’s where it all begins to change.