I’ll Be Enough When… (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves)

You have beings in your life that you love unconditionally.  A child, a parent, a partner, a friend, a beloved pet.  Sure, they can do things that upset you, but the love stays pure and constant.  If they mess up, you give them grace.  When they are being too hard on themselves, you remind them of their worth — of how lovable, capable, and human they are. You see the whole of them, not just the moment they’re in.

So why is it so hard to extend that love, that grace to ourselves?  Why do we put conditions on our worth?

I’ll love my body when I lose 30 lbs.

I’ll be proud of myself once I’m making six figures.

I’ll feel confident after I’ve healed everything.

I’ll believe I’m enough if I’m in a relationship.

I’ll trust my voice when other people validate it.

I’ll rest after I’ve proven myself.

I’ll feel lovable when I have no more flaws to fix.

Each condition delays love. Pushes it just out of reach. But the truth is — like those beings you love unconditionally — you were always worthy. Even in the mess. Even in the becoming.

We judge our entire selves based on our worst moment. One bad choice, one failure, one regret — and suddenly we forget every kind thing we’ve done, every time we showed up, every part of us that’s trying.

But you are not your lowest day.You are not your hardest season.You are not the version of you that was doing their best with what they had at the time.

You are a whole, evolving human being — worthy of grace, love, and forgiveness… especially from yourself.

If You’re Not Enough Now, You Won’t Be Later

Gabrielle Bernstein has a great quote “If you’re not happy with what you have, you won’t be happy with what you get.”

That new job, that goal weight, that relationship you’re craving? It won’t fix what you refuse to love about yourself now.  Just look at most of the billionaires in this world. They have more money than they could ever spend in ten lifetimes—and yet many still hoard it. They fund politicians who protect their wealth, lobby against systemic change, and often avoid contributing fairly to the communities they profit from. Their abundance didn’t make them generous. It didn’t make them kind. It didn’t bring peace. Because money doesn’t heal an unfulfilled heart. Success doesn’t fix a self-worth wound. And having “enough” externally means nothing if you still believe you’re not enough internally.

Meet Yourself in the Moment

You hear so much about presence and “life is happening now!” And to you, that’s likely just theory. Because you live in your thoughts. You live in distraction. You live in avoidance.

But when you’re consoling someone you love—when you feel their pain, hold space, and offer them grace—you are present. You’re not thinking about your to-do list. You’re right there, heart open.

Self-love isn’t a switch you flip. You don’t just wake up one morning and decide, “I guess I’ll just love myself now. Thanks for the tip!” And despite what it sounds like, this isn’t about forcing presence or pretending to feel something you don’t.

This is about awareness. About catching yourself in the moments where your inner voice turns sharp or dismissive—and choosing a new response. One that sounds more like kindness. More like truth. It’s a practice. One you return to again and again, until eventually, it becomes your new default.

But like any practice, it requires your persistence—and your willingness to try.

Meet Yourself With Compassion

I think that we can all agree that we are human.  And guess what? ALL humans make mistakes.  Every.  Single.  One.  So when you catch yourself spiralling, ruminating on what a terrible person you are.  Maybe the first question you should ask is “Am I human?”.  If the answer to that question is yes, then you’re allowed grace. You’re allowed to stumble. You’re allowed to learn without condemning yourself. Your mistakes don’t make you unlovable. They make you real. They make you you.

If you’re still not convinced that you deserve compassion instead of judgment, try re-framing the story. Ask yourself, “What did this teach me?” or “What was I needing in that moment?” Instead of attacking yourself for what you did, get curious about why. Where were you hurting? What were you afraid of? What belief about yourself was being triggered? This isn’t about making excuses—it’s about meeting yourself with the same understanding you’d offer anyone else you love. Growth comes from awareness, not shame. And compassion is what opens the door.   

Remove the Conditions

Removing the conditions you place on your “worth” isn’t about pretending you have no goals—it’s about learning to love yourself without earning it.  It’s about detaching any kind of outcome to your worth as a human.  It’s about separating who you are from what you achieve, what you look like, or how you think others perceive you. The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that our most basic right as a human being, the right to be loved has to be earned.

And there’s the answer.  We believe the lies that we tell ourselves.  That is how powerful our mind is.  So what if we told ourselves something else? And what if that became our truth?

What if we told ourselves — I love who I’m becoming?

Not when. Not if. Not after.  But now, in the mess, in the middle.

Here’s what that might sound like:

I’ll love my body when I lose 30 lbs.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone learning to respect their body now, not later.

I’ll be proud of myself once I’m making six figures.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone who values their effort, not just their income.

I’ll feel confident after I’ve healed everything.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone who shows up with confidence while healing.

I’ll believe I’m enough if I’m in a relationship.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone who knows they’re whole on their own.

I’ll trust my voice when other people validate it.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone learning to trust their truth without permission.

I’ll rest after I’ve proven myself.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone who no longer ties worth to exhaustion.

I’ll feel lovable when I have no more flaws to fix.→ I love who I’m becoming — someone who sees love as unconditional, not earned.

Only You Can Make It True

I can tell you until I’m blue in the face that you are worthy just because you are.  And it is the absolute, God’s honest truth.

But it’s you who needs to remember. Not just once. Not just when things are going well. But in the messy moments. The quiet ones. The ones where you feel behind, not enough, unlovable.

It’s catching the voice in your head when it says “not good enough” and choosing to respond with compassion instead of criticism.

It’s letting yourself be human — messy, growing, learning — without making your worth conditional on getting it all right.

It’s giving yourself the same grace, softness, and patience you so freely offer the people you love.

It’s making these choices over and over until you do remember.

Soon, you’ll stop waiting to be “enough” and start living like you already are. Because you are. You always have been.

And the moment you believe it — even just a little — is the moment everything starts to change.