Judgment: The Mirror of Your Soul

The Quiet Judgment

I have a friend on social media. Love this person in-person. Cringe at 90% of their posts. In my opinion, they share things that just shouldn’t be shared. Too vulnerable, too attention-seeking, too look at me, look at how great I am. Just too much.

And yet, what’s the saying? If something in someone triggers you, it’s because you see that something in yourself and dislike it. So I ask myself: Why do this person’s posts irritate me so much? What feelings is it bringing up in me?

On the surface, I tell myself intention matters. A rule I keep for posting is to ask: What is my intention here? Am I sharing to connect, inspire, express, or inform? Or am I trying to prove something, defend myself, or get approval? So when I see this friend’s posts, I label them as posting from the second pile—because clearly I am all-knowing and everyone should follow the same posting rules as I do.

But underneath that is: How dare they reveal themselves in this way? I wouldn’t share that information with the world—so neither should you. And then there are the posts that state outright how smart, confident, or great they are. In my mind, These are things that people are supposed to say about you, you don’t say it about yourself.  Because saying it about yourself if meaningless if other people don’t believe it.

And there it is. The self-worth piece. I judge you because you put it all out there, including your confidence. And your vulnerability reveals the places I’m afraid to be seen.

The Loud Judgment

If quiet judgment hides behind politeness, loud judgment shouts in the comment section.

This is where shame speaks. The people who lash out online aren’t powerful—they’re hurting. They’ve buried parts of themselves so deeply that seeing someone else embody that same thing—freely, unapologetically—ignites rage, sarcasm, disgust.

I have that. I hate that. So you should feel the shame I carry too.

It’s projection turned outward—an invitation for others to hold their shame so they don’t have to.

Judgment from Superiority

And then comes the judgment of the judgers.

We look at the people who comment with rage or cruelty and think, What awful people. We feel disgust, anger, sadness, heartbreak. We identify with the person receiving the hate, and we believe we have nothing in common with the one spewing it.

But what if we were more curious? Where is this cruelty really stemming from? If we looked deeper, would we see that the person commenting feels their shame so heavily that they need a place to release it?

Seeking Connection

At the core, we’re all seeking connection—through family, friendship, love, community, or even through the stories we absorb in books and television. It’s the same longing that keeps so many glued to their phones, endlessly scrolling or posting on social media.

It offers the illusion of connection—a quick hit of being noticed or belonging. But what we’re really searching for isn’t more notifications. It’s the deeper experience of being met, accepted, and held in our humanity.

And yet judgment quietly builds walls between us. When we view others through the lens of our own experiences, beliefs, or comfort zones, it becomes easy to say, I wouldn’t do that, or It’s time they got over it. We attach meaning, draw conclusions, and distance ourselves.

This is the root of separation. Me vs. You.

Connection is Made Through Compassion

Compassion is the ability to be present with another’s experience—whether joy or suffering—without judgment, superiority, or the need to fix. It’s the recognition of our shared humanity that softens separation. Compassion holds space with dignity: I see you. I honour your experience. I don’t turn away.

Every time we connect with someone, it happens through compassion. Every time we judge, we build a wall. The paradox is that judgment often comes from the very part of us that most needs compassion.

Curiosity is the Gateway to Compassion

You can’t have connection without compassion, and you can’t have compassion without curiosity.

If you feel triggered by someone’s comment, their vulnerability, or the way they express themselves—ask:What part of me feels tender here? What part of me is still trying to prove I’m good enough? Where have I been told I’m too much, or not enough?

When you pause long enough to ask these questions, judgment gives way to understanding. And understanding—without superiority—is compassion.

Judgment as a Mirror

Judgment is our greatest teacher because it reveals the places in ourselves still longing for healing. Every sharp reaction is an invitation to turn inward and ask: What part of me feels unseen, unloved, or ashamed? That is the part calling for compassion.

And compassion begins with you. As long as you judge yourself, you’ll keep judging others. But when you meet your own wounds with softness, the walls begin to dissolve. Compassion for others then flows not from effort, but from recognition: we are all carrying something.

So the next time judgment rises—whether toward a stranger online, someone close to you, or the person in the mirror—pause. Get curious. Because what bothers you most on the outside is often a mirror of what’s waiting to be healed within.

This post is part one. If you’re wondering what to do with the feelings you’ve uncovered, part two—From Trigger to Tenderness: A Map for Moving Forward —is waiting for you here.