Shame, Compassion and Divine Intervention

When I first started my journey with Tarot - it was only for me. I had no idea that it would be something that I was supposed to share with others.  I knew the guides had messages for me - I wasn’t yet open enough to receive them the way that I do now and I needed to be use the cards to receive communication from them.

One card kept coming up for me; “Judgement”. I’ve always been very hard on myself.  For things I’ve done, said, should have handled differently.  For all of the times I repeated the same behaviour, knowing I would feel guilty about it later - but I couldn’t help myself. And for that, I deserved to be punished with un-relenting shame and guilt. But the guides needed me to see it differently, to stop judging the person I used to be and give myself some grace.

Resolution

Over the years, I’ve learned that owning your behaviour to the person that you haven’t been your best self around is life changing.  It transforms your relationship with that person.  Being able to say that you messed up opens up the lines of communication like nothing else. I have only ever had the most positive outcomes when I have been openly vulnerable about mistakes that I have made.  This was a key lesson in my leadership journey.  Nothing changes a poor performing employee’s behaviour faster than when you can admit how you might be contributing to their performance.

For example, we had an employee who often struggled with “time blindness”.   But after being late for every shift for weeks, I finally pulled her into the office to talk about it - it started off with what she needed to do to be better at this.  She said it doesn’t matter if she’s late, there is nothing wrong with that behaviour.  This girl was almost confrontational in defending herself.  I could see that this wasn’t about being late at all.  I asked probing questions; Do you like working here?  What makes you look forward to coming to work?  What makes you dread coming to work?”  And then it came out.  When she comes to work, no one asks her how she is - like truly asks to get to know or understand her or what she’s going through that day.  As in, we say how are you - but she knows the required answer is “fine”.  I immediately took responsibility for creating an environment where she didn’t feel acknowledged.  I was truly taken aback - had no idea that this was the culture that I had the biggest hand in creating.  I apologized profusely and vowed to do better.  And I did do better. And so did she.  She was never late again.

I learned that taking responsibility for my words and actions was integral in creating resolution.  I carried no guilt because the incidents allowed for growth, connection and resolution.  I could see the blessing because it came with a result.  And I was actually grateful for how every bit of it transpired - including the part my behaviour contributed to it.

Unresolved

There were two situations that would rise up from my subconscious every once in awhile that didn’t get resolved in a tidy little bow and I would feel the same level of shame as though they had just happened the day before.

Shame spiral number one happened almost 30 years ago.  I was as a young, newly promoted supervisor at work.  I was called into the office of my manager.  She very kindly let me know that I had been overheard gossiping about an employee - someone who reported to me.  And what I said had gotten back to this employee.  Of course I apologized to her, but I had never let go of the shame of my behaviour.

The second spiral had to do with a dear friend from school who I reconnected with 15 years after we had graduated, when both of us were living in the same city.  We only saw each other 3 or 4 times in a two year period, but I enjoyed spending time with her.  When she got cancer and moved home, I sent her a care package with homemade soups and a pumpkin loaf for her mom.  She was so grateful for this gift, telling me that so many people were making promises to her and not keeping them.

I would check in every few weeks with a text to see how she was.  I would make trips to our hometown every few months, but I didn’t go to see her.  I only had so much time and to be brutally honest - only so much energy.  When I was home, I would prioritize spending time with my two closest friends and my parents.  One time when I was home for a visit, I had the time and energy and I texted her to see if she would like a visit.  This text started world war 3.  She let me have it.  I think I knew at the time that her anger wasn’t really about me.  The grudges that she held against other people were all projected onto me.  I was a terrible friend, I didn’t care about her, I never made time for her, I only reached out because she posted something on Facebook, other than that I don’t think of her at all.  I argued back because I had to defend myself.  I reached out to her 7 times for every 1 time she texted me (yes, I counted our texts to justify my behaviour).  And her texts to me were group texts that included other people.  The audacity to call me the bad friend!

I was also taken aback at the level of commitment that she expected from me - we weren’t much more than acquaintances when she got sick and from my point of view, our friendship had been pretty one-sided, with me always being the one to reach out.  So why 12 years later was I still feeling tremendous guilt over the situation?  Because I was a bad friend.  I was selfish.  I put my own need of solitude over her need of being seen.  As much as I tried to justify - I knew I could have done better.  I had hurt her deeply and when she died a few months later, I wasn’t there.  I didn’t go to her funeral.  I never talked to her again after our blow up.

The Universe Steps In

One day at work, I was walking out of the backroom and a woman stopped me, asking to use the washroom.  She looked at my name tag and introduced herself to me.  We used to work together.  It hit me.  This was the employee that I had gossiped about all those years ago.  She was so happy to see me.  She said that she wasn’t the best person back then, but she has changed.  You and me both! I said.  We talked, got caught up and I could see that she held no ill-will towards me whatsoever.

Ok Guides!  I guess I can let go of this one.

About a week later, a girl I went to high school with came into work.  I had not seen her since high school.  She said that for some reason, she felt like she needed to go to the mall today, even though she wasn’t shopping for anything.  We did the usual catch-up, she showed me pictures of her beautiful family.  I asked if she was still in touch with anyone from high school.  She said that she didn’t need that drama in her life and shared the story of why; She was working as a nurse in the hospital when our mutual friend was dying of cancer. Our friend had turned into an angry, bitter person, going so far as to say some really inappropriate things about the nurse’s family.  She wouldn’t even see her father when she was dying, she was holding onto so much resentment.

This was heartbreaking to hear. I know that it wasn’t her.  It was the cancer.  And I now knew it wasn’t me either.  I realized that nothing I could have done would have been enough for her. There was no need for me to carry the guilt and shame I had held onto for 12 years.

It was abundantly clear to me that my guides had sent this woman into see me.  To share this very specific story from over a decade ago.  It was time to let go of this too.

Acceptance

We all carry light and shadow—the parts of ourselves we’re proud of, and the parts we try to hide. The versions of us that we’ve been told to be ashamed of, to feel guilty for, to judge. But judgment doesn’t bring resolution. It doesn’t set us free. It keeps us stuck. It takes up energetic space that could be used for healing, growth, and peace.

Growth comes from looking at your past with compassion. Real compassion—for the version of you who didn’t know better, who was doing their best with what they had. The one who made mistakes or said the wrong thing, not because they didn’t care, but because they were still learning. Still human.

I’ve also come to believe that we attract experiences that mirror our beliefs or meet us where we are. My friend expected people not to show up for her—and that’s exactly what happened. Maybe it was her energy, or maybe it was something deeper. Past life karma, soul contracts, the balancing of experiences across time. Sometimes we act in ways that seem completely out of character, and it’s not until much later—if ever—that we understand why. We don’t always get to see the bigger picture, but I believe all things, even the painful ones, happen for a reason.

Forgiveness of self is how we free up that energetic space. It’s how we move forward. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened. It’s a release. Without it, shame festers into the belief that we’re broken or undeserving. But we’re not. We’re learning. We’re remembering who we are beneath the layers of pain and protection. Forgiveness is how we untangle our worth from our wounds. It’s how we begin again.